In The Stars
by cinnamon108
Summary: A series of interconnected one shots exploring the relationship between Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: All the characters and situations are the property of paramount_

**Noises**

At first he thinks he imagines it. After all he has only just made his home on a brand new ship, it's to be expected that the usual hums, sighs and whispers of day-to-day working take a while to adjust to. During the day it all mainly slips by him, caught up as he is in the difficult job of plotting a 70 year journey not to mention the integration of two crews who until a few weeks ago were sworn enemies. It's at night when they catch his attention; as he sits alone in the unfamiliar quarters of a dead man he hears sounds that unsettle him.

It's a relief when the day comes around again and he buries himself back into his work, adjusting to his new demotion and realigning his priorities until they are so in-sync with hers the two of them are barely indistinguishable. He hears the mutters as they pass together, his crew questioning the sanity of their former captain as they fill in yet another unwelcome report or adjust the collars of their stiff new uniforms, her crew muttering unformed fears of attack and mutiny. For the most part she appears not to notice and he follows her leave.

She is all business, presiding over each memorial service with dry eyes and barely flinching at the realisation that if they do somehow complete their long journey the only senior staff member likely to be left alive is Tuvok. She is determined and focused, if the reality of their desperate situation has sunk in it has left no visible trace. Occasionally Chakotay wonders if she is part Vulcan, sentiments he hears echoed throughout the corridors as various individuals struggle to come to terms with their life sentence. Sometimes he sees flashes of the woman she used to be, a woman he'd like to get to know, a woman with a razor-sharp wit that can slice through a man as neatly as a surgical cut and a dry sense of humour that can take him by surprise. Often she makes a quick comment that makes him laugh only after he's left her presence and gone back to his work.

Still it is hard to dispel the questions, so many lost so soon into the journey and yet the Captain remains the same. He yearns to tell her of this, to suggest to her that she lower her shields around the crew a little but somehow he senses that this would not be welcome. But at night he sits in the quarters of a dead man and listens to unfamiliar sounds.

A month passes and then two more and things settle into an uneasy routine. The noises subside for the most part, he still hears them occasionally but then they too become integrated. The Captain too appears less on her guard, perhaps trusting her crew more or maybe she's just laid a few of her demons to rest, he's unsure. Eventually even the most vicious whispers dissipate and the crew accepts the Captain's fierce protection of her emotional state. A few games of well-played pool later and most of them are talking warmly of the woman fate has chosen to lead them home. Even Chakotay manages to come to terms with the fact that his commanding officer may never really open up to him, although he suspects she will come to trust him more than most.

And so a sort of calm settles over the ship Voyager, each member adapting and adjusting until each little quirk is smoothed into a more manageable shape and integrated into this new community. Another few months pass and it almost feels natural, the noises almost gone. It is 6 months since their journey began and Chakotay sits quietly in the quarters he calls his own and listens to his Captain crying on the other side of the wall. It almost feels like home.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Property of Paramount_

_Authors Note: This is set some years into their journey after they've made contact with home.  
_

**Candle**

She put her mug down on the table in front of her and rubbed her pounding temples wearily. Propping her chin on her clasped hands she stopped and gazed out of the viewport in front of her. Bright spots winked in the distance, the only concession in the endless dark. She sighed, as a Starfleet Captain she was more than used to the endless night accompanying deep space missions, and as the daughter of an admiral she was probably more qualified than most at navigating her way through the emotional minefield that came hand-in-hand with it.

She had never succumbed to the psychological meltdown that sometimes hovered at the edge of a person's conscious when opening the morning curtains to survey another day of night. Still, she mused, sometimes she longed for a sunset. Not that this was likely at, she looked at her watch with trepidation, 2am. She sighed and stretched, attempting to ease the cricks out of her neck with one palm.

Kathryn Janeway was no stranger to 2am, in fact occasionally she positively welcomed it and its freedom from meaningless interruptions. Sometimes when she felt particularly lonely she wondered what life would be like if there were someone who'd wake at 2am and perhaps notice she'd gone... but she quickly reigned in those rogue thoughts. Captain Janeway had chosen her path at the moment she gave the order to destroy the array and she would stick to it come hell or high water like so many women before her. There was no room for weakness as a female leader, something documented throughout history, so many famous women defined by men or lack thereof.

Kathryn shook her head ruefully at the thought; she could already imagine what it would be like when Voyager finally completed her arduous journey, the whispers that would follow her for the rest of her life, gossips picking apart every one of her relationships with the men in her life from Q to Tuvok. She could already imagine the topics of conversation, "You mean she remained celibate for the ENTIRE journey??", or the opposite, "Did you hear about Captain Janeway and so-and-so, what do you suppose she saw in him?". She shook her head again and reached for her coffee cup, things were so much simpler for Captain Kirk, remembered as a great Captain despite his legendary exploits. Things weren't so simple for female Captains.

If they were pre-disposed for casual dalliances they quickly gained a reputation for being a poor leader, incapable of leading negotiations without taking the opposition to bed. If they remained in happy committed relationships the rumour mill would have a field day with the different directions with which they could take the implications, perhaps the Captain was under the thumb, or maybe a ball-breaker... the possibilities were endless. Then god-forbid the Captain who got involved with a member of her crew, or any member of star-fleet for that matter. No self-respecting hack would let go of the chance to question the union far and wide and the poor individuals would be dogged until the end of their career, which could sometimes arrive far more swiftly than either thought.

God only knew what the gossip mill would make of her relationship with Chakotay. At this thought Kathryn stalled and put her cup back on the table. She gazed at her hands and sighed deeply, they looked so different from the hands that had once worn a sparkling ring on one finger, more lined. She firmly put the thought from her head along with any rogue thoughts of Chakotay, she knew she'd made her choice and she knew she'd stick by it. She would never give anyone any reason to question her leadership or commitment, even if it meant sacrificing that which could have been wonderful in a different life.

Kathryn Janeway resumed her study of the viewport, unaware of movement behind her until the last moment. She was jolted out of her reverie by one hand on her shoulder and another placing a laden plate in front of her. She stared transfixed at a merrily dancing flame in front of her.

"What's this?" Her voice sounded croaky from lack of sleep.

"A birthday wish," The male voice sounded amused, "But I hear it only works if you blow it out."

Kathryn chuckled taking in the sight. A gooey chocolate brownie lay in front of her in perilous danger from the wax about to drip down from the single lit candle stuck in it. "My Birthday?" She looked up at the tall man standing over her.

"I know it's about two and a half hours late," Chakotay said with an apologetic grimace, sinking into the chair next to her, "But we haven't really had the day for birthday celebrations." Kathryn nodded her agreement, eyes sparkling merrily in the light.

"To be honest I'd almost forgotten." She trailed a finger along the edge of the plate in order to scoop up some of the dark chocolate frosting oozing off the brownie, smiling slightly to herself she popped the brown mess in her mouth, closing her eyes at the rich taste. She groaned slightly, "I think this could possibly rate as one of the best birthday surprises I've ever had" She opened her eyes and smiled a wide uninhibited smile at her first officer, "or at least the most welcome."

Chakotay smiled and placed a large hand over her small one, "You're welcome Kathryn." His chocolate eyes bored into her with only a hint of sadness, "But you'd better blow your birthday surprise out before you're left with a pile of wax and no cake, besides you need to make that wish." Kathryn looked back at him, more than aware of the diminished possibilities dangling in between them. Turning back to the plate she carefully cut around the candle until just a small square of brownie was left with the candle burning on top. She split the rest of the brownie between herself and her closest most personal friend.

"If you don't mind Chakotay," She surveyed the remnants of the cake sadly, "I think I'll just let it burn out this year."

_Somewhere on Earth a man lies next to his sleeping wife. He turns over and gazes out the window at the moon, full tonight, and lets his mind wander to the woman he so nearly spent his life with. He wonders where she is and what she's doing; He wonders if she's happy and prays she is. He looks over at the woman he's made his vows with and feels a surge of happiness with an underlying vague notion of regret. Sighing he settles back down and places his arm around her, he's made his decision and won't spend time wondering what could have been._

Somewhere in the stars above the sleeping couple two friends share a piece of birthday brownie in the light of a flickering candle.

**End**


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